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May 26, 2013, 07:16 PM
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 76,838
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I hate having a mood disorder
After 3 days I finally got hours of sleep Friday and woke up feeling good, then after almost 40 hours I slept again this morning but woke up feeling really crappy, nauseated, grumpy & I just realized I don't want to go on any more. I don't want to get any older. Yes I realize it is the mood disorder and I hate it I hate being at the mercy of feelings that come stealing along while I'm sleeping and takes over my life. I think thats part of the reason I fight sleeping, I so often wake up feeling worse than when I went to sleep. It is always a fight to be positive and put on the mantle of "everything is fine" well it is NOT fine! I feel like crap and I'm tired.  
I've tried distracting myself, I had a bowl of healthy lentil soup, talked to my cat, and nothing has changed..............................I want a time machine so I can go back to this morning and NOT go to sleep.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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