I agree not "a bipolar thing". My immediate theory is that we've been through suffering which made us more compassionate? Hmmm no there's holes in that one - I've been a doormat far too many times - which led to much of my suffering. So maybe it doesn't really matter why we do it, more importantly we figure out how to quit doing it!!

I should recognize my own recent improvements - work in progress like Lia says

But dammit we can do this, we can change, we can choke out that false neural doormat pathway! Clear thinking, planning, pause before action or engaging. Confrontation (which I run from!) and clear communication, or just cutting off communication (my preference :/ ) when necessary. And it will become habit before we know it.

God bless my sweet daughter knows how to do this, "Mom, I can't do this I can't play your therapist." Got me thinking for sure - I never meant to do that to her. And I'm ok after, I find someone else to talk it through with. Or journal or another outlet. And that was probably the most helpful thing she could've told me at the time. Made me think and change. So my point is that saying No can actually be the best way to help someone sometimes.