hello, I have made a few post regarding my b/f and I .we have been together off and on for yrs..I came 3000 miles to be with him blah blah blah ...here's the problem...I love this man soooooo much and he says he loves me too but I'm having a hard time believing him...when things are good they are awesome !! I go to his house spend the weekends..I help him do the things he needs to get done around his house ,we laugh, our sex life is wonderful ,etc etc...ok now for the bad parts....his mother ( in the past )has said things to me to cause problems between him and I ..He has never been married , no kids and he doesnt try to be apart of my family( but for small talk).he will only do for them if they ask but he never offers which I posted about a couple of weeks ago...heres what he does...It has been a month and a half since we have seen eachother.....He sends IM's changing his screen name ...something I asked him to do months ago because he was caught on a dating sight ..that HE said" he dont remember making ...anyways. I'm over that now ..,he slips card under my door with money ..saying " he loves me and misses me" He calls once and if nobody answers he will continue to leave IM's on my computer...my problem and biggest reason why we arent together is ...he comes to my house we are watching t.v having great time , we mess around and out he goes ..NEVER has spent the night with me ..its been 5 yrs and it makes me feel like a piece of meat. I ask him why he doesnt hold me and stay with me ? he replies" I don't know , If I want to stay I will and if I dont I wont" he is 40 yrs old and I am alittle over 40...I dont want part time and he knows this...so I have decided to just let it go and trying to move on ..but he wont stop...I know he loves me and I know what we have is good when he gives all of him ...I have told him many many times ,,,its either both ways,100 percent or 100 percent out.....if he loved me I would think holding me allnight would be something he would enjoy doing but for some reason he has to run home ...I am so full of anxiety and just when I think I am doing alittle better he starts sending me messages , money, cards, phone calls ...what do I do? I really love him but I cant stand the yo yo ...I know people are getting tired of my crying and whining to them but its like he has some kind of hold on me I cant let go of...I feel like Im dating a married man or something ...I know I need to seek counseling but money is tight right now so I came here in hopes that someone can help me ...ok , thank you for listening ..I guess Im just kinda venting because I dont know what to do ...my heart hurts because I want to be with him but I know Im wasting my time I'm not getting any younger and my kids need someone in their life who will be there for them as well as for me..