Do you ever just get the feeling like you just not supposed to be happy? Like no one would miss you if you were gone? Like they would be better off because they wouldn't have to deal with you!? I just don't know!! I am once again feeling very down, confused, hopeless, unwanted ( except for by my son, thank God) and probably suicidal!!! It has been a very bad weekend full of family making me angry, sending me hurtful texts, memories, and racing thoughts where i just can't think straight straight because of all the memories and thoughts mixing together!! I have not been wanting to bother no one and have not been wanting to talk to anyone!! Now I am laying here for over an hour trying to sleep and can't : 1 because my mind won't shut up and 2: because I physically hurt too bad!!! I don't know sometimes I just think it would. Be so much easier for myself and everyone involved to take care of the pain ( physical and mental) once and for all!!!! But then who would take care of my son???? HELP!!! I Just needed to get that out maybe!!! Who knows? Well if is now 1:00am and I guess I will once again try this thing they call sleep!