In my past experience there were so many things I could not control in my life I went overboard with the things I could control. For instance I felt I had no control of the majority of my life the one thing I could control as a teenager was my eating. I would binge and purge. I was so angry at my mother for telling you shouldn't eat this or that will make you fat that I had a stash of desserts and junk in my closet and would sneak and it while cursing her all the while and then I would feel so guilty about everything I ate I would vomit it all back up. I also am a recovering heroin addict that was something I fooled myself into thinking I could control when in reality it controlled the hell out of me. If I couldn't get heroin I would use whatever I could get a hold of. I did rehab over and over and over again to no avail. Until I hit rock bottom and was so sick, tired, and disgusted with myself that I finally asked for help and got it. Try not to dwell on the past but look toward the future and what you can change. I wish you all the best.