I think tonight I finally reached rock bottom. I've spent the entire night smoking, drinking by myself and cutting. My entire arm is cut and they're all the deepest I've ever gone. Right now, I honestly feel like checking out.
29th of August is when I decided on doing it a year ago, and right now I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I think I hit a vein this afternoon and I currently have a pool of blood sitting in my bathroom waiting for me to clean it up.
I just feel so ****ing **** tonight. I'm currently drunk, bloody and lying in bed. I am deferring from university and I'm seeing my pdoc on Wednesday and I'm going to talk about maybe going to an inpatient program for bipolar/ suicidal people.
I can't possibly think of any reasons to go on anymore, so I think it's really time to go somewhere. I'm really nervous but i think it's the right thing to do right now.