It's okay to vent or whine on here. We all understand and need that too sometimes. One thing I do want to say is don't SI. It's just replacing one negative coping mechanism with another and that is not going to help.

Hang in there and (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))).

You are making incredible progress by just being able to talk to someone about what you're facing

I'm really proud of you for addressing these issues in your life and I'm glad the appointment went well.