I really much prefer the way you both are describing sort of what I was on about. thankyou.

I don't remember what I was doing or what happened today to force the realisation to burst out of me in such a negative way... I can guarantee it was something that either made me sad or mad... despondent or something at the least overwhelmed.

I just have not been able to do the same thing for long at all...except of course the not being able to do the same thing bit! I have been able to do that forever!

they could always rely on me being the unreliable one...eventually