Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
Bless your heart.  I'm so sorry this has happened -- but know that you are NOT alone. We're with you, if that means anything to you at this time.
My friend, you're going thru grief right now. You're grieving the loss of the marriage. And grief takes time. It's different for everyone -- some grieve faster, some slower. It's like a death -- the death of the marriage. And like death, there are 5 stages to grief: Shock, anger, depression. bargaining and acceptance. I doubt you'll go thru the bargaining since that's been taken care of by the legal system.  But the others, yes. I'd say right now, you're in the depression phase. I hope this doesn't last TOO long.
Even tho the divorce decree says you get the kids those particular times, after while you and ex-wife CAN negotiate more frequent visits IF you and ex wife keep your relationship on friendly terms.  If you two can stay friends, she WILL relent, hopefully and let you have the kids more often. I doubt she's an ogre and she should be able to see how much these kids MISS you. It might take a little time, after the kids start begging to see you -- and they probably will.  So continue to be the BEST dad you can be when you have them, and let things work themselves out. That divorce decree isn't written in stone. 
And for your own sake, get some counseling. You've been hit hard by this, and this depression is taking it's toll. Some counseling WILL be of benefit to you if you can afford it, or if your insurance will pay for it. If you can't manage it, talk to your medical doctor -- he can help. There's no need to suffer like this. Believe me, I know.
God bless you my friend -- and keep posting cause it helps. We'll be here. Big hugs, Lee |
It feels so good to just write everything out. Thank you both for replying. I have read over and over that half of all marriages end in divorce these days, but I have had a close group of friends (about 10 married couples) and I am the first one in our group to get divorced. The last two months I have been taking a mental picture every night I come home from work, trying to savor the moment as much as possible. Part of me wants my ex to go ahead and move out already, just to get it over with. Does that sound horrible of me?
I have been volunteering to do weekend shifts at my job as much as possible lately, I just can't be at my house with my wife and kids packing up their belongings and talking about the new house. My kids are very excited about the new house... it has a pool right across the street and a playground nearby, and they each have their own room now. How can I compete with that? I know they love me and they will miss me, but most likely wherever I wind up will never again be "home" for my kids. I will be them as much as I possibly can, but whenever they say "I want to go home!" they will mean the house where I don't live.
You mentioned the five phases, and I am definitely grieving. But I'm also just mad as he**. I am so mad at my ex-wife for leaving me, and not trying to make this marriage work.