I am glad you talked to us.

You are not alone. We are here for you.

I hope you can find what you need in therapy, as well.

I really relate to being afraid of being "sent away" or being "too much" for someone. It's hard for me, too, to talk, esp when I feel that everywhere I go, there is not much understanding or sympathy; wondering if I am "asking for attention". This feeling can really cause us to shut down (IMHO) and to get quite discouraged about asking for help, esp when we really need it. I am kind of in that place, too and I can't even see a therapist because of finances and counseling centers being closed down.

It can also be hard for us to "fight" off abuse, it is never our fault when ppl hurt us, physically or emotionally.

I have been in situations, too, "by choice" and I have learned that it was because I did not know what a healthy relationship felt like. I had learned that love equalled pain, that security equalled oppression, that love and security was a scary, unsafe thing. I felt that I did NOT have a choice but to keep doing it.

I feel that my decisions in relationships or situations will feel more as though I am in control of them when I slowly learn what healthy relationships and situations look like and feel like. I am gradually realizing now that I do not deserve to be treated badly.

Love, security, etc. is NOT pain, NOT fear, NOT someone having power over you.

I am glad you shared with us.

Carol