I feel like I have been asleep or a zombie my whole life until just last week.
At 46yrs old I JUST realized how my abused childhood has crippled my adult life ! Up until last week I had NO understanding of why the patterns of my life keep repeteing !!!!! Now I am very confused. Worse over I have times of hope reading these post from others knowing that it can be better ! I still have panic and fears of even reaching out for help. I also have one child still at home I care for alone. I have always done the best I can for BOTH my children... yet my oldest is now serving 25 to life. I never hit , or sexualy abused her. I really did everything I knew I could to give her a better life then I had. I fear the neglect I gave her as a Mother with zero skills was at fault for her wrong chioces as an adult ? And now I ponder a lot about anything I am not providing for my son that can be neglectful in his up bringing ? I want help to move past my childhood.. understand it and how it has controlled me. And I worry that I do not have time to help me and give my son what he needs. Oh well I guess I can only now live each day one day at time getting better ?