I wanted so desperately to purge tonight but I had to go out with my family before I had the chance. Measured my waistline and it's gotten inches bigger since I last measured. I'm afraid to step on the scale. No amount of meditation is helping my thoughts are going too fast to shut them off. I really want to hurt myself but I'm afraid of getting put back on antidepressants that just made me stupid happy and crazy. That's the main reason I wanted off my meds in the first place. Oh god I can't go back to the psych ward again.