likelife, mue, red, thanks also for your input. we do share finances. he doesn't want it any other way. he's more old fashioned than i am i guess. one good thing i can say about today's argument was that i didn't start bawling. I didn't really fight back or defend myself, but I didn't start bawling and run and hide in bed like I used to would have done. he's not evil. he just wants what he wants. and he doesn't want me spending money. i should have stood up for myself and said I work 40+ hours a week outside the home besides taking care of everything AT home so I should not have to "ask" to be able to spend money. Baby steps I guess. At least I didn't cry. I am going to print out the gist of this thread and email to t to talk about on wednesday.