Your whole family is under deep stress, right now. As a mother you are the one carrying an heavy load. Not to be able to get your husband to talk with you, must be such a frustrating thing. I do know though, that your husband loves you dearly! I think he's like most men... locking it up inside, rather than talk about it. That doesn't mean that he's not thinking a lot about your situation and about you. You on the other hand is a woman in need to talk and to get heard by the one you love. This is not an easy combination in your present life situation. Your husband is good with his words in written form... Kathy... they tell you a lot.
Try to get a moment of silence sitting down... look at him and say that you really need him in this. Maybe say to him that you know he's hurting too... and that you would both feel better fighting this together... in a more open way.

I don't know... I'm no expert... just my thoughts about this.
I had to write a reply to your post, because I care so much about the two of you and your kids.

(((((((((((((((((( Kathy ))))))))))))))))))))