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Sezzie said:
I can't study. I can't work. And i just feel so low about myself. How do people get back to living at a speed that suits them?

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Sezzie,

First, consider yourself safely hugged if you would like a hug and could use one. All my love to you in this hard time.

Because you asked what you did in the part above, if you would like, I will share just a little about how "this person (me)" managed to get back to functioning.

For me, the hardest part I used to think was being in pain. But it was not until after the pain stopped and my soul almost died that I realized the actual gift was the ability to feel. That pain told me a couple of things. First, it told me that I was still ALIVE. Second, it told me that somehow, even inspite of it all, on some deep level, I was fighting to stay that way. Third, it told me that there was hope for healing. Just like our body, when the pain stops, the nerves are dead.

As odd as this sounds, this is how I personally got through the dark spots. Some of this I learned through a T. Some of it I learned from others. Some I learned just by analysing myself after I was functioning again to see what helped and what did not help.

1) I found that when I was sad, trying to cheer myself up did not work. So I just allowed myself the time to experience the pain and sorrow. I did not try to avoid it in any way. I put myself in my bedroom. I set up groundrules for myself ( such as no weapons or way to harm myself, I had to tell my best friend what I was doing -- in my case I called her and said "I need to experience this pain right now. Will you please call me to check on me in 1 hour?" ) Then I went into my "safe place" under "MY RULES" and I let my soul experience all the pain that was inside of it. This is NOT easy to do and it was so hard on my body sometimes. But when I was done, I was so free of the poison that I could not believe it. When I told my T what I had done the first time I did this, he was impressed and happy with me. That also helped me to want to do this again whenever I felt like I needed to do it.

2) I had to realize that lonliness was very real and very much a personal thing. I knew that my family and friends were real, but my soul did not see them. The pain did not accept that I was loved by anyone. All I could see what my anger and pain. And that was ok. So I learned the difference between being alone and being lonely. I was not alone in the process. I was fortunate in that way beyond all words. But I was lonely, and I was the one that had to heal before that would change.

3) I learned to reach out for help. It is so wonderful to see you post for help. It is heartbreaking to know that you have this pain. You are a fellow Human and I love you with all my soul because you are my relative because you are alive. So I see you as being very brave and bold to come forward and ask for help.

This might not be much, but I do hope it helps at least a little bit.

Wendi