I have had some major "transference" issues with T for a long time now. (I hate the word transference, and really only use it so people get my drift.)
I have dreams involving her from time to time, and they are always very "real". They are the kind of dreams that leave you feeling as though it actually happened for hours after you wake up.
The most recent was last night. In this dream we were swimming (although, haven't figured out where the swimming part came from) and kissing and such (nothing too graphic). I remember feeling extremely happy, but somehow still a little ill at ease. Later in the dream, we had plans to meet up, but she had some school work to do first (which makes sense, because she's a phd student in real life) When I went to meet up with her, she never showed. I had friends and people I loved surrounding me, but not T, and I was completely heartbroken.
My interpretation of this is - In real life, I have my T for emotional support , but will never truly 'have her.' She is also leaving for an internship sometime soon, and I'll never see her again. We have talked about this recently. It took my quite a bit of time to let her in, and feel close to her (before all these 'other' feelings started) but once I did, I really did.
One of the things I dislike most about therapy is that it almost feels like a tease sometimes. You get all close to these people, but the relationship can only go so far. And in most cases, the ONLY way you'll ever actually have them in your life is through therapy, even though often times we tend to want them there as more.
So maybe, the dream was my subconscious expressing frustration towards the fact that while her affection is sort of 'in my grasp' I'll never truly have it. Not for real.
Make sense to ya'll? If you have any other ideas about this dream, feel free to add your input!
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