The best person to help you figure this out is your psychiatrist or therapist. I don't think any of us are doctors, though some of us do work in health care and probably know as much about our diagnoses as they do. We cannot tell you what you're going through.....all we can do is lend a sympathetic ear.

FWIW, mixed episodes are miserable and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. Hope you get the help you need.