Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within
likelife, mue, red, thanks also for your input. we do share finances. he doesn't want it any other way. he's more old fashioned than i am i guess. one good thing i can say about today's argument was that i didn't start bawling. I didn't really fight back or defend myself, but I didn't start bawling and run and hide in bed like I used to would have done. he's not evil. he just wants what he wants. and he doesn't want me spending money. i should have stood up for myself and said I work 40+ hours a week outside the home besides taking care of everything AT home so I should not have to "ask" to be able to spend money. Baby steps I guess. At least I didn't cry. I am going to print out the gist of this thread and email to t to talk about on wednesday.
|
It seems like money issues are rarely only about money. The parts I bolded jump out at me. What do
you want? Old-fashioned, perhaps: or is it controlling? My father was old-fashioned, and he used to put cash in an envelope every week for my mother (1940's thru 1970's)--she never wrote a check in her life (nor did she work after marriage). But even he never questioned how she spent the money, nor restricted the amount in any way. If anything, he encouraged her to spend more.
You have a job: is there some reason you don't have your own checking account from which you pay your own T expenses? I mean, he can't stop you from doing so. What do
you want?
It makes perfect sense to have a joint account for joint expenses and for savings for the future. But that shouldn't preclude individual acounts: they're not mutually exclusive.
Honestly, I find this not so much "old-fashioned" as indicative of power issues.