Im sorry things are so bad for you hat, you are a very kind compassionate person and i think that you feeling the pain of others dispite how you are suffering is amazing there are few out there with hearts as big as yours. you are not responsible for these people suffering or expected to make them better hat sometimes you have to look after yourself first, this is not selfish its survival. when you are feeling stronger then you can help others. im always here if you ever want to talk