Well first a bit about myself and my marriage. My husband and i are in our late 20's and we have been together for 8 years, married for 6. We have a very good life and have always been pretty happy in general. We enjoy the same hobbies, have the same goals and dreams and care alot for one another. We do not have any children, but they were part of the plan. Atleast, the original plan we had.

About a year ago, I met Dan, a new co worker, and was immediately attracted. It was obvious that Dan was attracted to me too. Over the next few weeks Dan and I became close friends (this was new and unexpected to me, I am not the type to get close to other guys or even deliberately flirt). It started with workplace flirting, then texting and long phone calls just talking about anything and everything. As I began to develop feelings for Dan, I found myself pushing myself away from my husband which was not hard to do when he started working nights and I worked days. Dan became my closest friend and we confided to each other that we both had feelings for one another. While my marriage was still "average" at home and my husband and I were getting along just fine I found myself telling Dan that things were rocky and falling apart when in reality they weren't. I think maybe I just wanted to justify reasons for my behavior and make Dan feel ok about wanting me in return. Dan dated a couple women throughout the year, but in the end I was the only one he really wanted to be with, and we still continued to talk. When his last relationship failed we began the physical part of the affair and the feelings got much deeper. We planned to start a life together and after weeks of worrying about the decision I decided to tell my husband I was having an affair. At this point my head and heart were both completely confused as to what I wanted, but I told him anyways. That was 3 weeks ago, and these have been the worst 3 weeks of my life. My husband is absolutely devastated and heart broken but refuses to give up on our marriage. I am still living at home, and having second thoughts about every decision I have made. My husband is willing to do everything he can to forgive me, and only wants to be with me regardless of all of my lies, unfaithfulness and hurt I've put him thru. He is truly the best human being that I know, he's honest, loyal, loving and kind and I don't deserve him. My heart is torn right now, I wish it was as easy as letting go of Dan, and falling back in love with my husband and living happily ever after. But my feeings for Dan are genuine too, and I would be heart broken to break my ties with him and never know what could have been. When I think of never seeing or speaking to him again, I physically feel sick. But when I think of losing my husband, devastating our families, going thru a divorce and starting over on life I'm completely afraid. I know these feelings are normal, and I know that whatever path I choose I will make the best and give it my all.
As I read this post myself, it sounds like I'm an awful person. I'm not thinking very highly of myself this year, and I truly don't want to hurt anyone. If anybody has had a similar experience out there, I guess I'm just looking for some insight or someone to listen. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about my feelings because I'm embarrassed and ashamed of my actions.