I am sorry you are hurting. And I am equally sorry your loved ones / partners are hurting.

The one thing I would definitely recommend is finding a good T for yourself so you can work through your feelings. And perhaps get to a deeper understanding of why this situation occurred.

I should think making any big life decisions right now would be virtually impossible considering your state of mind. And it would not be fair to anyone to try to figure this out on your own.

Best wishes to you please let us know how you are doing.