I've been on your husband's side if this, and I can say it is pretty devasting. My wife had a couple online affairs and he end result is the same. She started becoming distant, not wanting to do as much together etc. Eventually I caught her. The first time I blamed myself. I was really depressed and withdrawn from her at the time. I think it was so devastating it was just easier to blame myself and fall into a deeper depression than deal with it. It happened again a couple years later. This time I was hurt and wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I almost moved out, but we finally talked after a week and I agreed to try and work things out. Trust is a hard thing to rebuild but I think it can be done with work and good communication. I think there was something missing, maybe you didn't know what and that is why you pursued this releationship. I think the key is to start talking and figuring this out. I think you will definetly have to choose and cut ties or divorce one of these men. I dont think any healthy releationship is bred from deciet and it sounds like your husband loves you dispute your actions. Don't throw yourself on the preverbial bonfire. There is hope to work things out if both of you are willing.

For me I have constant doubts about my marriage. Some days I want things to work out, but other I dont care what happens. Having depression doesn't help things either, but I have a glimmer of hope things will work out. I wish you luck with things and I hope you find a way to deal with this.