So I'm struggling with myself over the idea that I may always depend on meds to be at all stable. Even though I've been on them for a number of months.

I thought I could do it on my own, since my life took a sharp turn downward ever since I started meds and I really only had to deal with occasional deep depressions and hypo.

Is it possible to have antidepressants cause mania if you've never had true mania before? I still feel like even though I'm effectively dependent on my meds that some of this mess may have been caused by getting force-fed AD's and only AD's in that horror house they call a Mississippi adolescent unit.

God, I hate that place.

So now I'm wishing I never told anyone that I attempted suicide in my dorm room last December. Maybe I wouldn't be in this mess. Or at least not this big of a mess.

I'm not as down as this post probably conveys. Just pensive.