I've had three psychotic breakdowns, all of them drug-related (cannabis). While I didn't acknowledge the first one as such when it happened, I can now tell that it was, at the very least, a manic episode.
I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Although everybody's different, from my experience I can tell you to do your best to not think much about your "old self". I became "wordless" too, specially after the second break, from which I had to be hospitalised.
Things change, man, they do. Something good I can tell you is that with continued effort, things DO get better. About a year and a half after my second break, I was starting to feel confident again, but, most importantly, I was learning to accept my new self for what I had become. Then I made the mistake of smoking pot again and, once more, I got addicted to it. A few months later, I decided to quit, and the psychosis returned with twice the strength of the previous break. I was hospitalised in march, this year, and I'm still struggling to feel better.
My main concern right now is anhedonia. I'm not taking any antipsychotic meds right now, only a mood stabiliser, and I'm good as far as psychotic symptoms go.
My advice, in a nutshell, two years from my first diagnosed psychotic break, is to let your "old self" die in order for your new self to be born.
Psychosis is an illness no one choses to have, but you can choose to accept and embrace whatever changes it may have led on you.
Take care!