Update on me: I called a suicide hotline on Saturday because my suicidal thoughts were overwhelming. I spoke to a very nice woman who really helped me. And that evening my brother drove out to see me and I told him how I was feeling. He was very kind and supportive, as he has been there himself. I stayed at my dad's Saturday and all day today. I had a good time, it was good to see him. So I'm hanging in there. I feel a bit disconnected today though.