I am very much a grown up and gray. I always thought that when I was a grown up I would have power and be able to stop bad things from happening. It's not true, bad things still happen. My daughter was molested, developed ocd, my foster daughter died, my son got cancer, mental illness. My spouse and have legal troubles, my kid was harrassed and beat up at school. Kept trying to be good enough too, perfect enough. Indespensible with my job, too good at it. Good, calm reassuring etc. None of these things have made me safe. Still scrutinized constantly with my work, still make mistakes, still vulnerable. Never take time to care for me. Long story but here I am and I can't get out of be today. Feel like I've been run over by a truck.