I'm so sorry to hear that Muse :/

I just wanted to say that, although not officially diagnosed, I too suffer from many BPD symptoms. I was diagnosed Bipolar I & ADHD and most recently I've been compainig of obvious BPD symptoms. My pdoc says that I "may very well have BPD as well"... but basically because there is no medication and real viable "treatment" for it (in insurance eyes) he didn't want to officially diagnose me with it.

HOWEVER I just wanted to tell you... that I see a psychotherapist and she works specifically with people who have Bipolar, anxiety, BPD, and other personality disorders. I know you said you don't have insurance, but perhaps you can look into seeing if there are any psychotherapist's in your area who offer their services on a sliding scale? She helps me a great deal in terms of learning how to "cope" and how to deal with my very real and INTENSE emotions. Things like "cognitive behavioral therapy" and "dialectical behavioral therapy" are specific techniques we use in therapy.

Also a book I got on Amazon that has helped me and is a great tool is called "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance" You can find it on Amazon here.

Hope that helps! Just know you're not alone and there is help out there for you!