I am sorry you are strugging. You do not have to be perfect. You just have to be you. Flaws and all. And that applies to the men in your life, as well. No one is perfect. Including you. You are lovely and intelligent, kind and interesting - just as you are. If you try too hard and work so hard at being (what you consider) fabulous, you will probably become exhausted, resentful and ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

Once you take that to heart and learn to forgive yourself for past relationship hurts / traumas, perhaps you will give these new relationships a chance. With an open heart and open mind.

I would really encourage you to find a good T that will be able to help you get to the bottom of this once and for all.

Why the need for so much perfection? You can only go down from there. That is indeed pretty depressing.

You deserve to be loved and to love simply by being you. Talking through all of this is a great step to healing and to set yourself up for success. Hug, Rose