Okay, so here's a little story for anyone who cares. This is long, and I apologise for that, but there's a lot here...

I've had this male friend for 16 years. We met in grade one and our friendship continued after we graduated high school. In that time we've had many fights. Some of them were rather bad. In the past he's told me I'd end up homeless, that I'm stupid, I'll get nowhere in life, that I'm a leech off the government (I was unemployed, but preparing to study at the time), that I'd go to hell and - possibly the worst - that everyone hated me at school and everyone warned him not to come near me because I was...well, useless.

So we've had quite the history. But despite everything I've forgiven him and we've become friends again. Not as close as we once were, perhaps, but still friends. And then we come to this year. I started to realise that our friendship was one sided. I realised this about the same time that I was getting overwhelmed with study, stress, depression and social anxiety. The result was I couldn't eat and was essentially starving myself. I went to the doctor and I'm on medication now...but the thing is, I mentioned to this friend of mine not the whole issue, but just the fact I couldn't eat. He didn't care. At all.

So I realised something was wrong, and because I was the one to always contact him, I decided to wait and see how long it would be before he messaged me for once. That was almost 2 months ago. Not long for some friends, but there was a time when we'd message like 50 times a day. This has made me realise it's most likely a very one sided friendship...and then along came Monday. My 21st birthday. He forgot about it, even though he tried to push me towards having a party. I've asked a few people, and apparently, friends don't forget other friends 21st birthdays, especially not when they've been friends for 16 years...

So I've realised this friendship is pretty much dead. But here's the problem: it's killing me. He may not be a great friend, but he is a friend. Social anxiety makes it hard to get to know others, so without him, I'm pretty much alone. And this hurts, so much. Just little things remind me...and then it sets me off and I realise how alone and pathetic I am and then I start crying. And I can't help it. How do I move on from all this, and not self-destruct in the process? Has anyone got any advice for controlling my feelings a little better?