Thanks for the feedback. For the first two responders, I thank you for your positive comments, but I really was a b*st*rd with this stuff. I didn't see it as a big deal at the time. I was never disrepectful to my wife, and my role as a provider, supporter, and father were always very important to me. I thought we just would never have a sexual life together, and I took that need elsewhere, and that is where the infidelity lies. I took a need that should have been satisfied within my marriage and went elsewhere, just as if my wife had sought emotional support from another man.

I was NOT emotionally supportive of her, not to the degree I should have been. And like I said, I openly lied to cover my *** to keep viewing porn. I never attached the same type of emotions to that activity that my wife did, and because I wasn't connected enough to her, I never FORESAW how much it would hurt her.

She sees this as a desecration of something sacred. Also, because some of the women were young (early 20's) she sees this as something of a predatory action. I am 40, biologically old enough to be their father. I should have had a mind to protect them, instead of contributing to their exploitation. She has said the biological urge is one thing, indulging it is another. She is right. She is a true mama bear who would do anything to protect her cubs. This is the action that is so repulsive to her. I've contributed to the exploitation of a very young person. Once she said this, I saw it immediately, and hate myself for it.

Since this all came out a year ago, we have had times of truly deep emotional connection. During those times, our sex life has exploded... Crazy, intense, romantic, loooooong sessions, often with her seducing me. But then, she has regrets, and she goes back to seeing me as "a dirty old man". She also goes back to not trusting me, and harbouring doubts about our security moving forward.

What can I do? Say? Right now, I am just doing my best to be my best, to connect with her, accept her, love her. Will this bring the trust back?