Hi! I'm "almostthere".
I found your recent post insteresting and something that I can sincerely relate to because I was in the same situation in my marraige to my ex-wife for over thirty years. Yeah... that's right....over thirty years.
My wife, unlike me, was extremely close to her parents, expecially her mom. In our first year of marraige I never paid any attention to it. But as the years moved on I became irritated about how much attention she paid to her pararents when they came to visit at the expense of her ignoring me. But i never talked to her about it, although I should have, because I had the utmost respect for her parents and didn't want to offend them in any way at the expense of causing any friction in our relationship. I loved her that much.
In the subsequent years however this became an increasing serious problem. Her parents were almost always in our apartment. when we bought a house in the suburbs they found a way to continue coming even when I didn't expect them.
Needless to say it slowly eroded our marraige and our relationship.
Now we are separated and no longer live under the same roof.
Please talk to ur boyfriend about his expremely intimate relationship with his family. Tell him it's something that needs to be addressed right now. Not later, when it's too late.
If he is not receptive about how u feel about this matter, then maybe it's time to find another man!
There r a lot of good men out there. Don't sell yourself short. U deserve better!!!
Rgards,
"almostthere"
Quote:
Originally Posted by caribbeaneyes
Hey everybody,
I hope this won't be too long. I met this great men, he's and introvert and very shy but I don't mind that because there so many great qualities about him. He's 21 and I'm 19, we've been going out for 10 months and plan on going backpacking for some time soon.
The only problem I have is with his family- they're all great people, they're kind and intelligent and we get along good.. He has four sisters(2 of them living at home with him) and his two parents but I just can't deal wit how close they are. The siblings talk about everything and when I say everything I mean everything. He recently told me that they often discussed their sexlifes. I asked him not to say anything about us to them because I think it's just too personal and sex should be something between him and me only. He agreed to that.
But it's not just that they're so close emotionally, they're also very close physically. I know I'm kind of overreacting but it just creeps me out! The sisters who live with him (18 and 24) are kissing him on the cheek (and the mouth too, I think) whenever he has been out and comes back home or when they go to bed(they're all adults), and when one of his sisters was away for a weekend I saw him embracing her the way he embraces me, hugging really long and burrying his head in her hair and all that. I get sick just thinking about it. The sisters also sit on his lap and the one told me on several occasions how handsome he is and how she wants a boyfriend like that. They also don't seem to know any privacy, whenever one of them is in the bathroom they just walk in without even knocking(same goes for the bedrooms expect when they have visitors). I just can't get over this. I've to just let it go but somehow I can't. My family is very different from theirs, there's warmth too but we are not that intimite with each other. Whenever my boyfriend and I are intimate with each other now, not sexually but like cuddling and all that, I keep imagining how he might do quite similar things with his sisters and it just makes me sick. I've tried talking to him about it but he doesn't see anything wrong with it because they "just grew up that way". Now I just don't know what to do.
I know it's irrational to be jealous of your boyfriends sisters but I still believe that he is a little too dependent on his family.
I could really use some advice on how to deal with this, should I try talking to him again and just explain to him very honest how I feel? I would like to ask him how close they get phsicially when I'm not around but I don't want to sound like a possesive freak. Part of me feeling so strongly about this might come from and early childhood experience with a family member of mine that was sort of on the edge of abuse. Thanks for reading, this post sort of got really long :/
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