Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinaguy
People have histories, we all do, but to excuse past behavior as "its the past" is not right in my opinion. It is our past that makes us who we are. And our beliefs and morals are developed early on. She lied to me about hers. When you say I do, you are marrying the person and their history. Their life past and present is now shared. When we did that she married someone she knew. I married the person she wanted me to know. Their is a difference. I love her and will stay with her but I will always wonder what else I don't know.
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Am not sure how you can share a past that the person wasn't there for, but then that's perhaps just me?
That is one way to look at it, and you're neither right or wrong. Personally I do not think that people should be judged on their past when it comes to matters of sexual encounters of this (mild) nature. Sure, the past makes us what we are, but it's who we are today and how we treat others is what we should judge people on. Everyone does things that later on they may not be proud of - and its part of growing up too, this living and learning.
How about if I said that perhaps the way you were honest about your past when you met may actually have forced your wife to keep things back. She obviously loved you, wanted to be with you and I think perhaps you should ask her if she kept things hidden because she was afraid you'd judge her and she may lose you. Cause and effect perhaps? You had your own experience and issues with sex, and I wonder if that made her keep quiet.
I do really think that having a chat to sort all this out is the way to go, and perhaps if you can, let go of your anger and move on. Get through this and you'll both be stronger huh?
Hugs.