I also believe in "rest of our lives" when it comes to marriage. Just so we're on the same page

I don't think you're picky or rude, I do however think you're missing the point I was trying to make... The only thing I should know about my bf's past, is whether he can give me a disease. The rest is his business, how much he is willing to share or not share should be at his discretion. I have no right to demand that he be an open book. He has a right to privacy. How I feel about my bf should not be dependent on what or who he did yesterday. That is not fair any which way you paint it.

I would be stumped if I found out one day that my husband used to be a girl many years ago (especially since I'd be having sex with hypothetical husband as well as know his family very well). I'd be horrified and sad for him to learn that he was a hooker before he met me. I would want to understand why, what lead him down that road and how he dealt with it, that's if.... he was willing to share those bits of info with me... More than anything though, I'd want to know why he did not trust me with this information in the first place. Why the need to hold out on me? Fear of judgement, rejection? I'd want to know how I impacted his decision to keep quiet instead of feeling distrust toward him.... Him feeling he couldn't trust me would hurt me.

Yes the past shapes our futures, but I stand by what I said, and like Riot said, we can't "share" a past we weren't present for, and our partners have a right to privacy. Yes your wife lied, it was deceitful and hurtful, but as mentioned in my previous post, it doesn't seem as if it was with malicious intent. If she really knew you as well as you say before marriage, then she knew you wouldn't have been accepting of her, as is obvious in your first post. Seems like she lied to protect your relationship, and I'm sorry, but I can't fault her for that, not everything is black and white. It makes no sense to jeapordize a lifetime of love and joy together by confessing a past indiscretion. What would she have achieved with this particular truth? Your back facing her as you exit.... That's what.

You know how sometimes you need to do something questionable for the greater good? (like steal bread to feed your kids) I think this was one of those moments for your wife...

You say you wanted a say in who you marry, how does this confession of hers change who she is now? If her honesty has tainted your image of her, that is an issue you have to deal with, because she's still the same person she was the day before she divulged this info. How were you misled? Did she lead you somewhere you would rather not be? I think not. Looks like she lead you down the aisle with the person you wanted to marry. And she still is that person, you just don't seem to be able to see her right now through your pain. You say she presented you with a person she wanted you to know... Does this mean she has been living a lie all this time? I doubt it, or maybe she deserves one hell of an Oscar.

I really am sorry you feel hurt about all this, just offering my perspective. Talking with your wife about why she never told you this before tying the knot is the best course of action IMO. Your wife is still your wife, however her past has shaped her, the shaping took place long ago, which means you have already gotten to know that person, your knowledege of this shouldn't redefine her. She already is who she is. No deception there....
Talk it out with her, you deserve peace of mind