I just...wow.

I don't think I've ever been quite so insulted in my entire life. I'm sorry if it violates rules to bump a thread, but honestly it seems to to be the best thing right now. Things haven't been great recently but I've moved on and they're on the mend. I've spoken with my ex-friend and her partner a few times, civilly, and never for long.

However, I was given an absolutely abusive message last night from my friend's partner. I've been on the receiving end of some heavy abuse in my life, but this was vile; telling me that my personal interests are disgusting and nobody cares what I do, and that I should never get close to someone in my life again because I might "infect them". Apparently there "isn't a part of you that's not revolting" and I've never noticed a friend when they're upset.

That's such an untruth. I've loved other people a lot.

Just thinking about it makes me shake with rage. I've never felt angrier in my entire life. I feel like running out to bash someone's head in...but I know I'm bigger than that. It's frustrating because I wrote a letter (lying unsent in my drawer) to these people telling them I still loved them. I still have it with me. Honestly I respected these people and wanted to try and work things through even still. I've had six years with these people, and for someone to throw **** at me like this is...it beggers belief. I'm trying to love them still, and I do want to, but I know my respect for them is now near zero. Yes, perhaps the onus is on me to do something, but it's hard to when the door hasn't just been slammed in my face, but when someone opens it a crack and then starts firing an AK47 into my face.

I can't honestly work out why they sent this. Apparently it's taken a while to work through, but do they just want to get "one up" on me, or teach me a hard lesson? I appreciate that the person who sent this (my ex-friend's partner) has autism so perhaps imagines that it will help things.

The fact is that it stings because I can see some truth in the words. I have had faulty ideas about what friendship was, and for various reasons (not all in my control, though some have been) I just haven't connected well with many people. I wish I could just toss this message away, but because I respect(ed) these people, it still lingers on.

I'm no saint, and I am sorry for what I've done, but I don't think I'm revolting entirely either.

Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm in a Life of Brian situation:

"You're revolting!"
"I'm not revolting!"
"Only a revolting person denies he is revolting!"
"Alright I am revolting!"