((((sezzie))))
ok firstly it is possible to recover b/c this time last year i was contemplating stuff very similiar to what ur alluding to now and now i am what they call "recovered"...it was alot of work and possibly the actual aftermath was worse than the depression itself b/c i had to learn to function and feel like a "normal" person again, but well worth it...so this is what i'd suggest:

1)just take the meds and go to the grp thing...ur not doing urself any favours by fighting against it b/c it is help that is being offered to u. but i could say that til i'm blue in the face but in the end it's your choice...i know what choice i made tho and what happened to me.

2) tho, tht said, make sure the help your getting is appropriate for u...if u don't feel like it's doing much more u then go and get some new help. in order to get out of this rut ideally u should be able to respect urself. after all, how can one gather up strength if they do not respect the person they are gathering it for? i realize this could be pretty difficult for u atm tho, so the alternative is respecting ur Ts enough to give up ur illness for them. so if u don't think much of ur current Ts, get some new ones.

3) Get to the very root of the problem and confront it head-on. ask urself when did ur depression start? why do u think it started? u already know that u feel really bad about urself, but how did it get like this? for me my depression started somewhere around the age of 8 and gradually worsened. it was a response to all my family problems, particularly my mother, as well as some dodgy genes that certainly didn't help things!! she wanted to keep me as a small child b/c chn are safe when they don't have minds of their own. i wanted to be an adult so i could get the heck out of there! i've been told i was a particularly intelligent and creative child, and i think this made me especially sensitive to what was going on around me. years of emotional abuse as i became the scapegoat for my family's problems meant the depression dragged on and eventually became what they clinically term as "chronic".

4)journalling, reading (esp stories of others who have overcome - great inspiration), drawing and talking about it all help. so can alternative stuff like massage and oils. writing a list of stuff u like about urself and stuff that u've accomplished.

well, i hope ur appointment tomorrow goes ok, and that what i've written is of some help it won't go away overnite and that's really, really hard...but hang in there, it does get better, albeit rather subtlely, so that u don't even notice at first, but then u wake up and realize that "one day" has already come. and that is the best feeling i believe anyone can ever have.

all the best
Love n hugs,
Zomb