I want so badly to tell off my exT. I responded to her email asking if I had received her termination letter. In the email, I told her that I had hoped she could hear that termination was harmful for me. I asked what she meant by "reworking the ending," as she had offered in the letter.

While sitting around waiting for a response, I have been getting angrier and angrier. Several days later, she responded, saying I could talk with my new T about what I needed from the "reworking" process, and that she would consult with my current T about whether we could jointly meet and on what timeline.

Right now, all I feel like I need is to shove this termination at her, to tell her face to face what a ****ing coward she is. I need her to actually hear that I feel like she ****ed up. I need her to take some ****ing responsibility. Of course, no one really "hears" hostility in that format. Nevertheless, I just want to lay into her.

She didn't acknowledge what I had said about being harmed. I get that she can't exactly admit to harming me in writing, but grrrr...

I don't know what to do anymore. I know that my feelings are off the rail. It doesn't help that my new T cancelled on me today. This anger without a voice, or more accurately, without its intended audience, is eating me alive. But I don't know how to let go of it.

I haven't si'd in over a decade. But I am so, so tempted to right now. I want to break something. I want to break her. I want to break me.