I wish I had an answer because I feel the same way as you do. I don't know how to do it! Each time I quit therapy I saw another T so the pain was lessened. That's why I decided it must be transference. I attached to the new T and eventually "forgot" about the former one.

I don't think that's going to happen this time, though. I told my T that "you and the therapy are the same thing." I don't want to quit because that means I won't see you. It will feel like arrows piercing my heart!

What I do suggest is that you tell your T what you said you can't tell her. You CAN tell her, and I think you should tell her. I still don't know exactly why you have to terminate therapy with her. Can you do it gradually, cut down sessions slowly? Does she know about your experience with your last T?

I really feel for you because I may have to stop seeing my T next year, for financial reasons, and I don't know how I'm going to be ready. It brings up the reality of therapy, that we're paying, and that we're T's job. Talking about your feelings is really the best suggestion I have. Will you be able to have any contact when you quit?

I'm sorry I haven't answered "how do you detach from t?" I don't think we can detach ahead of time. I've tried that it hurts as much as being attached. You can grieve that the t relationship isn't all that you wished for because it's temporary, but at the same time, think about, and maybe discuss with your T, all that it is and was. My first T told me "when I leave, it won't be as if it didn't happen". I used to write her, but she never answered. I knew that she wouldn't. This was more than 25 years ago, and I still think about her sometimes. She said I would have "part of her inside of me" and I do!

I know I'll have a LOT of my current T inside of me when/if I have to quit seeing her. Can you hold onto some of those kinds of feelings?

Sending you lots of hugs and courage!!!