'"i haven't si'd in over a decade. But I am so, so tempted to right now. I want to break something. I want to break her. I want to break me.''

I think your exT is chicken^^^^. Having said that, please don't hurt yourself, she isn't worth it. Do you have a tennis racket you can beat on your bed? If so, use the flat side, it makes a nice sound. Cursing while whacking the crap out of your bed is helpful. It isn't destructive and you can release your anger. I used to do it until I was worn out and then I would usually cry and go to sleep.

When you get through it, do something very kind for yourself.

Thinking of you,

Sabra