It truly is a kind of bondage. I couldn't agree more. I will look at the resources you gave me and will hopefully find some inspiration there. Despite my last , horribly non-spell checked, message, I am a spiritual person. I just didn't find what I was looking for in AA, and trust me I did want to find it. I was encouraged to speak in meetings...then "old-timers" would make comments about loving to hear newbies because it reminds them how much they have changed. Anyway, this is not about AA, but me. I know I have an addition, but most times when given the choice of drinking or not drinking...I choose drinking, even when I and other people stand to lose so much. I drink in a park at work, but when home maybe have a glass of wine twice a month. I've developed this massive charade, that I don't want anymore...but I don't know how to stop. If I didn't have my career, I would go to rehab tomorrow and start fresh...willing to give up my family and job to be sober. I just want there to be a different way.

Does anyone else here feel this way? How do you develop the motivation to change and keep at it, whether or not you go to AA? Have you found anything else that helps?