I cut from the ages of 14 to 18. I moved when I was 18 and decided it would be a good time to throw away my razor blades and move onto something else. I did good and relapsed maybe 2 or 3 times in the past 4 years but I've been unable to keep my emotions under control lately.

I was involved with a really horrible guy. I always refused to believe that evil people existed... I believe everyone is good deep down but for the past 2.5 months, he played with my feelings, lied to me repeatedly (about being in the army, not having a girlfriend, dumping said girlfriend when I found out, about physical and mental illnesses he never had, about his feelings towards me... everything. I don't know who I was dating. I don't know a thing about him.), insulted me, told me I should've killed myself long before meeting him, put me down, manipulated me to get what he wanted... And all along, I thought he liked me and cared about me. I thought he was ill and that his mental illness made him act out, just like mine does. Except I never told anyone they deserve to die. And I never would.

I was demoted at work, which shot down my self-esteem even worse. They made me feel inferior and humiliated me in front of everyone. I'm doing okay in school but I have no motivation, which is affecting my grades and upsetting me. I'm losing friends, I've ostracized my whole family and I live alone. I feel lonely and broken. I cry every single night and it became too much the other day. I cut my thighs badly enough that I refuse to wear dresses anymore. The psycho ex recontacted me and said really horrible things, which made me cry and cut again. My thighs are really bad now and I'm ashamed. I feel even worse..