Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
While I understand the belief and apparent logic of all of these suggestions about detaching at will--lessening # of sessions, trying to see the faults in your T as "realistic," distracting yourself with outside activities, lining up new support systems--my experience is that all of this is a defense against feeling the true feelings of loss and the need to honor the value of the relationship by taking a leap to increase the emotional intensity of the relationship.
I found that the only way to leave, planned or otherwise, was to fully express what needed to be expressed. To articulate the depth of my feelings for my T and the relationship and the joys and pains of the journey as best I could. My T's acceptance of, engagement with, and reciprocation of those feelings was the only way I could walk away whole and ready to grieve the absence. And a big part of what made it possible to reconnect later.
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That was my point about the closure/termination sessions, you wrap up your therapy and time with her and say what needs to be said; no point in holding back your feelings. You can't control what she says or chooses not to say, as she might be very guarded if she feels she has "overextended" her feelings for you.
I disagree about lining up a new T as part of your support system as being a "defense"...it's a way to start the grieving process and not be alone while doing it.