I absolutely despise my ex boyfriend. He was a controlling, manipulative, asshole. I hate him so much. Im 19 and he is 25 and we were together for 11 months before I opened my eyes and finally left him. I hate him because I allowed him to do and say so much to me during our relationship, while knowing it was wrong, I just couldnt leave. I want him dead. Below are san example of the things he use to say and do
1. He has walked over 10 miles to my house twice without my knowledge to ensure I wasnt cheating, I only found out when I saw a shadow outside of my bedroom window
2. He constantly called me names and said really degrading things to me
3. He constantly threaten suicide if i were to leave him. I have actually called the police multiple times thinking he was dead, only to find him alive and well.
4.We would have stupid arguments like if I was in the tub for longer than 15 minutes, he would swear up and down I was cheating on him or having sex with someone while on the phone with him.
I NEVER cheated on him and I'm so angry with myself for allowing this to continue for almost a year. I'm smart, have an amazing mother and a host of friends, I have great personality and I knew I deserved better than what him but I allowed him to make me feel guilty for leaving him. I even have an order of protection against him because he wouldnt stop calling or coming by my house. I just want him to leave me alone. Sometimes i sit here and think of ways to kill him, although I would never do it, I just want him gone out of my life for good. I feel better now that I can actually enjoy life without worrying about him constantly calling to make sure I was were I said I was going to be. Im ashamed of this relationship and of myself.