Quote:
Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings
At some point today I failed trying to stay away from anything sexual and I looked at lesbian porno pictures. I really thought I was going to be able to stay away from it, yet today, I failed. I don't know what to do. Last night I went into a chatroom trying to have phone sex with men, which to some extent I did until I had to leave the computer. I felt bad about it. Some point in me wonders if I don't need love and that is why I do it. Sex is by no means love.
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OK, so I have read enough of your posts to get a grasp on your problem.
Your problem is that you believe in magic in the context within which magic does not exist.
You believe that if you stay away from anything sexual you would somehow reach your long-term goals. No, that would not happen because there is no magic. You should stop feeling bad about what you do, engage in phone sex as you need it because it is safe (unless somebody records your voice and posts audio files somewhere where your employers might get access to them...), and in the meantime try to develop some meaningful connections. Not engaging in phone sex would not yield meaningful connections by magic - meaningful connections develop out of being an interesting person, on the one hand, and out of having a genuine interest in other people, on the other hand. That is all you need to develop meaningful connections, and whether you have phone sex is orthogonal (irrelevant) altogether, so you are wasting time trying to limit your phone sex, porn viewing etc. habits. You should stop wasting time and energy on it and invest time and energy into becoming a more interesting person and developing more interest in others around you.