We recently had another big issue surrounding Mother's Day (another story, another day), in which she made a thoroughly berating comment towards me in front of my own parents, and I refused to take that from her. We didn't talk for a few days and when we did it was violent talk, shouting. She even hit me and threw some of my DVDs, breaking one of the cases. She threatened divorce and started googling divorce lawyers. This is quite significant for her, because throughout our marriage, she has never, ever wanted to hear "we" and "divorce" in the same sentence. While I know it was an empty threat, I still feel hurt by her behavior. I thought it was all going to end that night, but she didn't have the balls to follow through. Miraculously, I managed to get her to understand my feelings, and after continual attempts to get her to do so, she finally said she was sorry. I think that is the only time in our 2 year marriage that she's told me she was sorry. Deep down though I can tell she said it out of obligation.

Throughout all that fighting, I continually said that I thought we should do marriage counseling. She had originally brought up that topic several months ago, but I found out it was just an empty threat of hers. When I raised the issue now with complete sincerity, she vehemently opposed it. She thinks we have failed as a couple if we do that. Which in a way that's true, but that does not make it any less necessary, especially if the marriage should be more important than one of the partner's pride. In an attempt to make her more comfortable, I even said I was willing to do LDS family services, which I have all kinds of issues with the LDS religion, and was scared to even suggest doing that, but I desperately wanted to resolve this issue.

But she did say she was sorry, whether or not it was 100% sincere. So the issue is more or less, "kind of" done, on the backburner, but there are still feelings inside of me, and inside of her too, that are unresolved because of that conflict.

I am just really worried that she will continue to refuse marriage counseling, and that our relationship will continue to suffer, that I will continue to suffer her emotional abuse, that we will continue going through life, wasting one another's time because one of us is living in denial. Financially and emotionally, a divorce right now would utterly devastate me, but I actually feel it is necessary if this goes unresolved, since more conflicts (and more serious ones) can happen in the future.