it has taken me a long time to even understand, not yet enact reliably, the concept that the Friendly Universe is always bringing me what i need to learn and grow as a spiritual person. i struggled for decades to change the world to suit me, to make others change to stop "irritating or abusing" me. let me tell you what i found: that is a fail strategy.

i still do find myself indulging in a good whine now and then,, it's an old habit, an old friend, but it's pretty ragged now, a worn out teddy bear. more and more i do it less and less. it served it's purpose when i used it, it comforted me, made me feel not so wretched, so all alone, so undeserving of peace.

i can see by your writing that you are working hard on being a better person Beau. i congratulate you on that~! and WOW! your ability to tolerate that situation for so long~~ admirable. i can't advise you on how to do things that words cannot describe: gain insight, exercise intent, etc., but i can tell you that when you do find inner peace it will be reflected in the outer world. i don't know how that works, but it usually does. either the source of the irritation will be removed, go thru a change, or you will move on. it's an astonishing side-effect of personal growth.

i wish you well,,,
Gus