This is something that troubled me for a long time. Like, a very long time.

I feel like other people, even ones who do not know me or even through the internet, already know they should avoid me. This may sound stupid. But, it's true....

Like... it's very hard for me to not only feel like people connect with me but also more like people are trying to avoid me, or know to avoid me. And sometimes it is less and sometimes more. Sometimes I think I am lucky and find some people who either ignore this or who don't know it and so they become my friends. Everyone else, though, I think they avoid me or know already.

Like for instance, at line at a service counter, for like fast food or 7-11 type of counter, I'd be next in line and the check-out person would skip over me to help the person behind me. It made me feel invisible. This doesn't happen as much now because I've become very vocal in not being walked over.

But next is like... the ladies at work. In the lunch room if the co-worker who normally sits with me has other things going on, the other ladies are very uncomfortable with me and try to avoid me. Like yesterday they all sat at a 4 table and the one with her back to me didn't turn to make sure I was not included.... it felt like a high school clique. And, when these ladies do talk to me I can tell they are very uncomfortable and avoid eyecontact. One is okay on her own, but when the others are around she acts like them....

I just feel like, I must eminant some presance or something. And it's been a long time becaus I was badly bullied starting in first grade, which is really when I start to remember, and all through school. And so, this is an observation that doesn't change.

Does anyone else feel that this happens? I feel like no matter where I go, this is the majority. I just don't fit in very easily and I don't understand why.