Nobody has belittled the pain you feel, you are right to be hurt over being lied to - but I really think you need to put this into perspective, sorry. It seems to me that your reaction tells me more about you than your wife, and your own issues and the anger and your statements of not being able to look at her, well, are to me counter-productive and too harsh for the crime. Her lies were bad, but they are understandable if she did it because feared losing the man she loved because of a sexual past. A past she couldn't change and should have no bearing on the future. And you've not picked up on what I said about perhaps it was how you were back then with your issues and her fear of losing you that made her keep quiet.

Please dont be angry with the replies because some here do not think the same way as you - when we can see that to dwell on this, to let it undermine a good history together would be such a waste. Sure, she may not be the lady you thought she was with sex, but all of that is old. She was a lady who had a threesome, she is now a lady whom loves you and you've had a good marriage. Do you really think that her sexual history would've stopped the good marriage you have had? The sort of person she is? The way she loves you, and is a good wife? If you do, then I think its a strange way of thinking - there is much much more to us than our sexual history. I do recommend some therapy for you to find out why you put such importance on someone's past which is private and why, 14 years later this has made you react in such a way.

Personally speaking I couldn't care about a partners sexual past - it is his qualities as a human being I look for, kindness, humour, thoughtfulness - those are what make a good relationship to me, not how many women he has slept with. I simply would not want to know, but if he'd been a tart I'd still forgive as I'd love him.