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Apparently I have a sinus infection that got blocked up causing the right side of my face to swell up & block my vision. I'm on an anti-biotic and the doc wants me to go back tomorrow again. He also wrote down allergy meds which I already was taking, so I was on the right track. They are also really pushing psych meds but as there is no psychiatrist on my insurance and w/ my history of side effects I'm not willing to let them prescribe psych meds, they just do not know enough.
They sent a social worker nurse in to talk to me and I must have heard the pro drug rhetoric 5 times in 5 minutes. I've been on all the anti-depressants and they all cause me to become manic. Anti-psychotics are not indicated and seizure drugs don't help just leave me in a fog and some of them have really bad side effects. I'm not just being stubborn &/or antagonistic about this, I have been hospitalized from side effects and have no wish to repeat the experience. From psych meds I have had my liver compromised, had NIDS, and act on the SU impulses only when I'm drugged there's so many side effects I'm not going to list them all but it is only because I insisted on one Pdoc read the latest research on the combo of drugs she had me on that I'm even alive. I was checked into the hospital and put in ICU until they have better science to actually know what their chemicals are doing to my whole body I'm not going to just pop a pill. The one thing that is helpful-partial hospitalization is not covered so......
I do know the depression will get better, I will stop isolating when it does. Until the USA gets smarter thats just the way I have to cope w/ this. I'm doing better now than I have been, I'm back on the computer and connected that way.......it's an improvement from a couple months ago when I couldn't find a reason to get out of bed much less turn on the TV or open my computer, it may be a slow recovery but it doesn't hurt my health as badly as the drugs.
All that said I did buy melatoin yesterday and between that and the allergy medication I slept for 12 hours of much needed rest. I feel sightly hung over from sleep but all in all better than I have for a long while. My face is looking much better today and my eye is opened enough to see out of, this too shall pass.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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