Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
(((((Lifelike)))))))),
I totally get how you are feeling, it isn't over the top, it is how you feel at the moment. This ending must have been traumatizing with a capital T. I hope you can talk to your new T about this (if you can keep an appt., what don't people get that you are really in a bad place right now?). I would hate for you to have a meeting and your xT be the same was she was as that would be incredibly painful. I would want to know what her agenda is, does she plan on being there for you or to argue whatever her point is? IDK, just a thought. I want you to be safe and feel peace. This is a painful process, that gets a little easier as time goes by. The struggle still sucks, but it is bearable and I have hope. You, too, will find this in time, although I suspect you may not be able to see it now. I am here, keep venting as much as you need to do so. Sending you hugs.  |
Thanks, antimatter. Your perspective is always appreciated. I'm sorry that you've been through something similar, but it's nice to feel understood. I do have an appointment with my T for tomorrow, so I feel good about that. It's almost better this way because now I can meet with her after having gotten my exT's lame-*** email yesterday afternoon.
I definitely want to know what exT's agenda is. I so do not want to set myself up for getting hurt by her again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wotchermuggle
When I was terminated once, I also felt unsafe simply because of how upset I was. I couldn't function, constantly crying, etc. I decided that I wasn't going to let myself be completely shattered by him. I was still upset but this helped me to focus on managing my pain and focussing it on what the next step would be and how I would get there.
I have a bit of a SI background but I never self harmed during that period and am proud of it.
Maybe it will help you to focus on refusing to let your T control you and your emotions any longer and figure out what the next step is that you need to make for your health and continued progress.  |
I'm so sorry you've had this experience too. I do keep trying to tell myself that she's not worth it. That hurting myself won't do anything to her (obviously). I do feel a little better today. And no, I didn't SI yesterday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I understand the urge to si and that it, in its way, can bring relief. That being said, she is the one who was wrong here. I know I have the urge to si when hurt by the therapist too. I try to write, walk the dogs, get through just a few minutes without it and then a few more. If you do si, I hope you can accept you did the best you could at the time and try not to add guilt or shame about that into the already potent mix going on. You are coping with a loss, grief and sense of betrayal - that is a lot to go through.
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Thank you for the suggestions, SD, and for the encouragement to avoid adding guilt/shame into the mix.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I was just reading last week that the experience of rejection (which I think is pretty analogous to T relationships, although they technically studied romantic relationships) activates the same areas of the brain as a severe physical injury. Of course it hurts bad. I couldn't find the exact article I was reading, but here's a close substitute:
The pain of social rejection
From my perspective, adding more pain on top of what is already normal to feel, risks your physical and emotional health. The pain research suggests that feeling pain activates the neural pathways for pain, which is why when pain in not controlled, people can still experience pain months after a physical healing. I was in this situation with post surgery pain for almost 9 months, and I guess I can tell you that now is the time to baby your pain, to treat it with kindness and tenderness, not add to it. You don't deserve to be hurt any more. |
I don't have time to read the article now, but thank you so much for sharing it. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a long struggle with pain. And thank you for your kind words.