Well that was an entirely useless visit. Why didn't I just go to my PCP??? Because I'm an idiot, that's why - looking for something I'll never find. Wish I'd given in to the constant death drive urges on the way home... why didn't I? Again, because I'm an idiot.
I think I'll just ruin my life further and skip work tonight. I hate it, don't have the energy for it, feel like crap, and make almost nothing. Who cares if that kind of quitting will make ever finding another job that much harder? Can't really hurt at this rate... took ages to find this crappy job, nothing better's ever going to hire me. What's it matter, anyway? It's as I've thought for years - eventually, I'm going to end up dead by my own hand, sooner or later, what's it matter. Too bad I don't think I can convince myself to do it now.